Any Regrets On Your Life Decisions?©

On most Sundays I have lunch with my ninety-eight year old neighbor at his condo watching the surfers at Tongg’s Beach below Diamond Head on the Island of Oahu, Hawaii.  He is also a writer and we have been friends for the past fifty years.  I started having lunch with him about twelve years ago after his best friend passed away.  He doesn’t chat much as he’s a bit shy and prefers to tell you how he feels by text.  It’s not Tuesdays with Morrie, but he’s extremely knowledgeable in sports and we watch football and currently baseball.

I love football and never really liked baseball, too slow in my opinion, but as he started to explain the strategy of the game and I got to know the names of Shohei Ohtani and Freddie Freeman of the Dodgers, then Aaron Judd of the Yankees, I have now come to enjoy watching the games.  In fact, I was glued to the last World Series, watching every game from start to finish.

Last Sunday while munching on our sandwiches he asked me, if I had ever made any decisions that changed the course of my life and was I happy with them or did I have any regrets.

He told me when he had graduated from college right after WWII he went to Europe for three months as a gift from his parents and saw all the destruction there. When he came back, he had a burning desire to return to help rebuild.  There was just one problem, to go back to Europe would be a minimum of a three-year commitment and he would have to give up his chance to go to Stanford University to get his MBA.  After much thought he chose graduate school and went on to a successful career with Matson Navigation.  All these years he said he had been happy with his life for the most part, but now does regret not going back to Europe.

   “Looking back, graduate school could have waited and I think I could have done a lot of good over there.”

He looked at me and said, “Any regrets over a major life decision?”

I thought for a moment and said, “No, but the road I took was certainly not easy.”

My life decision was to start my sole proprietor business.  I had been pushed out of the greatest job I ever had when my married Boss started up his affair with my assistant who was thirty years younger and wanted her to take over my position.  It was a no-win situation for me and I knew I was done when he met with me three days before Christmas and said,

“I’m going to fire you.  I just don’t know when.”   I left the corporate world two weeks later and I tried to find a new job, but I had been making about $4,500 a month with my bonuses and commissions in 1986 or about $162,000 in today’s world, not including benefits and I quickly found, no one wanted to pay me the same amount.

As I was struggling to figure out what to do, someone whom I thought was a good friend, called me and said he wanted to hire me.  Excited, I met with him the next day and he said,

“I will pay you $2,000 a month, no bonuses or commissions.  You will need to wear dresses and nylons and be at work Monday through Friday from 8 am to 5 pm.  Saturday is half day.”

I said to him, “I just purchased my condo and with my mortgage, maintenance fees, insurance, car, and living expenses, I need about $3,500 to start.”

He actually laughed in my face and said, “You’re dreaming.  No one would pay any woman that kind of money and you need to live within your means.  Go get a roommate.”

“It’s a one bedroom,” I said.

He laughed again and said, “Then sell it and move back in with your parents.  No one will pay you that ridiculous amount of money.  You are not worth it.”

I was so shocked and hurt, but more then anything else; angry.

“Thanks for your offer, but no thanks,” I said and walked out.

He was so irritated because I had said “no” to him and for turning down his “generous offer” as he mentioned to me as I was leaving, that he bad-mouthed me around town for several years.

So because of my anger and my stubbornness, my decision was now made; at the age of thirty-one, I would start all over again and work on my own.

I kept saying to myself, “If I fail, it’s because of me and not anyone else’s decisions.”

It was the toughest decision I had ever made in my life.  For nine years, I struggled just support myself.  I was close to bankruptcy twice and in danger of losing my home.  At one point with my savings emptied, I had only $462.00 available on my only credit card.  I would often purchase day-old Bento boxes from Foodland for dinner at $1.50 a box, and would eat them in my apartment and cried as I stared out the window.  I never told my family how bad it got because they were unable to help.

But slowly, I started to make real estate commissions and after becoming an appraiser, mainland lenders and local management consultants started to work with me.  Other real estate friends hired me to manage or rent their apartments.  And a friend who was an attorney, loaned me $5,000 without a written agreement; “I know you’re good for it.”  It took me five years to pay her back and when I did, she just hugged me and said; “I was never worried about the money, I knew your word was iron-clad.”

By the age of forty I was able to pay all my bills on time.  At fifty years old after nineteen years on my own, I was finally able to save for retirement and I purchased a new “pre-owned” car.

Would I do it again today knowing just how hard it would be to survive and the years of struggle it would take to make it?

The short answer is I may have taken a few more months to see if I could have found another corporate job and not let my anger push me.  However, deep down, I immediately knew after my interview with “my good friend” there would be no job and whatever job I did find would be low paying with limited possibilities.

So the answer is “yes”, I would have made the same decision to go on my own because I valued who I was and wanted to be true to myself.  And in the end, a few people also believed in me and I made it.

Was there ever a life decision you made and regretted?  Looking back did your life turn out the way you wanted and dreamed of after you made that decision?